Tatemae, the art of concealing one's true thoughts in Japan

Tatemae and honne, two sides of the same coin

Tatemae (建前), literally "facade", refers to the attitude we adopt in society, what we show to others. Conversely, honne (本音) means the true feelings, thoughts and opinions we keep to ourselves. This duality between being and appearing exists in all cultures, but takes on a particular dimension in Japan.

Mastering tatemae is considered a virtue and a sign of maturity. It means displaying a positive, consensual attitude and avoiding direct confrontation, in order to preserve the harmony of the group. Honesty is reserved for the inner circle of family and friends. Letting your real emotions show in public is perceived as a lack of self-control.

The cultural origins of tatemae

This predominance of tatemae can be explained by several cultural and historical factors. Japan is a densely populated archipelago where cooperation and interdependence have always been necessary. Maintaining good relations and resolving conflicts through compromise rather than confrontation are crucial.

Tatemae is also rooted in the Confucian and Buddhist values that permeate Japanese culture. Forgetting oneself for the benefit of the group, respect for hierarchy, humility and mastery of one's emotions are cardinal principles. Tatemae is the concrete application of these principles to social relations.

Tatemae, a tool for social harmony

For the Japanese, tatemae is a lubricant for social relations. It enables us to communicate tactfully, to smooth out the rough edges and avoid offending anyone. Getting straight to the point by expressing a differing opinion or a categorical refusal is considered impolite. Indirect, roundabout formulations are preferred.

For example, it's common for a Japanese person to accept an invitation by tatemae even if he or she doesn't feel like it. To refuse openly would be a slap in the face. Similarly, criticism will be expressed with euphemistic periphrases such as"it's a bit difficult" rather than an explicit "no". This mode of communication requires you to read between the lines.

The honne-tatemae divide at the heart of Japanese art

This fascinating duality has inspired numerous literary and cinematic works. In Ozu's films, hushed dialogues, unspoken words and silences often speak louder than words. In Kawabata's films, the characters conceal their inner torments behind an impassive appearance.

The conflict between honne and giri (social obligations) is also a classic theatrical and cinematic device. The protagonist finds himself torn between his deepest desires and his duty to his family or his lord. This tragic dilemma gives rise to poignant scenes in which the masks finally come off.

The potential excesses of a society governed by tatemae

While tatemae promotes a certain order, it can also become an oppressive straitjacket. Social pressure to conform to what others expect. Expressing an original opinion or thinking outside the box becomes difficult. This can generate frustration and unease, as illustrated by the phenomena of hikikomori and karōshi.

A tatemae society can also lapse into hypocrisy and formalism. Conventions become an end in themselves, and appearances take precedence over reality. Image is more important than sincerity. Tensions and problems are concealed behind a façade of normality, until they explode.

Knowing how to decode tatemae, a key to communicating with the Japanese

For foreigners, this mode of communication is often a source of misunderstanding. An invitation accepted out of politeness but with no real intention of following it up, an objection expressed by polite silence... these are all subtleties that Westerners, accustomed to more frankness, don't always grasp.

But it would be simplistic to see this as hypocrisy or dissimulation. Tatemae is neither a lie nor a permanent mask. It's a sophisticated social code, deeply rooted in Japanese culture, designed to facilitate relationships while preserving the intimate sphere. Understanding tatemae is essential for communicating with the Japanese.